Week 3 Story I Am a Stone
I am of the Earth.
Cold and Gray.
I am Stone.
That's strange you say.
I was not always like this.
I'll tell you how I became to be.
Originally my name is Ahalya. I was beautiful and I had
human body. I mean Ariel would have been jealous because I had legs and used to
walk on land. Now I am just a stone wanting for Rama to graze me with his foot.
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| Ahalya Released from the curse Source:Flickr |
If you haven't caught on by now I was cursed. You may say
its my fault but how am I supposed to distinguish a god from my husband. Truly I should not be punished for being
tricked but I can't really change much now can I since I am a stone. Why did I
have to be so beautiful. I thought my husband Gautam was trying spice up the
relationship and take me out but at alas it was Indra. Oh, that trickster I
knew something was wrong when my husband went to bathe and came back so sudden.
Maybe it is my fault. But I was so enthralled by the idea that some would risk
making my husband upset that I committed an horrible sin. I have decided after
many years I am at fault and I hope when this horrible curse is lifted my
husband forgives me. I know that Indra
got what he deserved so its not just me so I am not alone in my curse he still
got to walk around like I was left to the elements but that neither here nor
there but who would want to be a creature with all of those eyes covering their
body so maybe I got the better end of the curse.
Wait I think I hear someone. I think my time has come to be
free of this curse. All these years as a stone gave me so much time to think. I
am glad that I am finally free. My dearest husband has also forgive me.
Authors Note: I found this story to be interesting it reminded me slightly of medusa's story but this time she actually knew what was going on so I wanted her to use her time as a stone to think of her wrong doings and make sure to mention that the man involved was also cursed.
Source: Ahalya
Wow I really enjoyed your story especially your poem at the top I understand that this is from Ramayana where Ahilya is turned into a stone I was wondering if you would have made this into dialogue would have brought more spice to the story. Especially the dialogues where her husband is calling her out and is furious to turn her into a stone. If you include ore details like Indra turning into a cat and leaving but sage Gautam cursed him with having 1000's of breasts and so he could not make himself presentable in front of other gods and was embarassed a story can be formed with dialogues of hoe embarassed he was of that feministic hidious body. Overall I really do think your story is modern version story of the beautiful Ahilya who was made by lord Brahma but unluckily due to circumstances is changed into a stone.
ReplyDeleteI thought it might be to raunchy with dialogue. But whew you are a story teller me on the other am I struggle but I really like your ideas.
DeleteDacia, what you have done with this story of Ahalya and Indra's love affair in the Ramayana is amazing. I especially like how you opened with some poetic statements, leaving the reader to discover below that the words are the internal monologue of Ahalya after she is punished for her crimes of passion with Indra. The placement of your paragraph breaks does a good job to set the pace. That being said, I would suggest that you shorten some of the longer sentences, perhaps breaking them up with a comma or dash. Although it is representative of her stream of consciousness, I think this would help the reader maintain that pace that is working so well with the paragraphs. I enjoyed, too, that you placed the image in the center of the text as a place to pause for a visual of the speaker!
ReplyDeleteHello, I love the way you told your story! I love your opening to your story. It is very original, and I have yet to see another one like it. This story with the love affair is so interesting! I like how you wrote this from her perspective and her having to wait for forgiveness for her deed. I wonder why in your story it took her so long to see that she was wrong. I loved your story, and the creativity.
ReplyDeleteI loved your intro poem, and into the story (bringing in Ariel was genius). I liked how you went into her sitting there all that time thinking about the situation and what would happen in the future. However, if she even pointed out "How could I know" then was she not even a bit mad at her husband for cursing her? Just for clarification grammatically, the last sentence, she was free, her "dearest husband has also forgive me", should that be must forgive me, or has forgiven me? Either rate, I loved your creativity. I can't wait to read another.
ReplyDeleteI love the intro to this story! Ahalya's story lends itself well to retelling for sure. I think the spins you put on her personality are really interesting--her thoughts go through so many different conclusions, which I think makes sense given what she went through and how long she had to think (from lamenting her own beauty, to accepting some of the blame, to thinking about others' outcomes). Overall, a really fun read!
ReplyDeleteHi Dacia!
ReplyDeleteWhat I really liked about this story is that you showed the inner struggle of Ahalya. The back and forth of, it was her fault and then it was someone else’s fault. Throughout this inner dialogue, you managed to retell the original story, but in this version, it seemed like her thoughts about what happened. I think that’s a very interesting way to tell a story!